So... I've been thinking....

That phrase is never a good one for me... it means tht at some point in my many hours of loneliness and boredom, I have let my brain and thoughts take over my head, and fill me with ideas... some are good, some are bad! Because these thoughts are usually created in moments of boredom, they often refer to activities or events that would keep me busy...

For example... this past couple of weeks have been especially difficult... I put my bike away before our first snowfall, and I truly felt like part of me had been put away too. All summer, I kept busy on those lonely nights and weekends without my son. I rode til the wee hours of the morning, made new friends and hung out with old ones, and really created and developed friendships that will last for many years to come. So when I put the bike away, part of me, a big part, the part that forgot that I was going through a seperation, was also put away. I kept myself SO busy this past summer that I never really gave myself the chance to sit and think about and process what had happened in April.

So, there I was, all by myself in my apartment, my son at his fathers, contemplating what had happened in the Spring... I think for the first time... Finally, I grieved... Cried, phoned my best friend, took some time off work, repainted my apartment, bought a couch... For the first time since the seperation, I realised that I was alone...

It took me a couple of days, weeks, to get things straight in my head... and then the thinking started... what do I do now? where do I go? Someone asked me about a month ago where I saw myself in 5 years, and all I could think was "had you asked me that 5 years ago, this is not what I saw"... So a couple of days ago, I decided to live... to do what I want... something my counseller had told me to do... "Do what you want..." So... what do I want?

For many years, many, many... I've regretted having gone to University. Sure I gained skills and tools for the "real world" but I hated it. Where did I want to be? In a Beauty School, studying hairdressing. I graduated University in 2006 and my son was going to be one that year. My husband was returning to work, and me attending school again was not an option. We only had one car, lived outside the city, and with the cost of our daycare, hairdressing would have to wait.

I ended up working for a Salon, and absolutely loved it! I worked in the retail aspect of it, but I got a true feel for the Beauty Industry. What better place to work... Hair? The crazier the better. Clothes? The more original, the better. Tattoos? Show 'em off baby! Wow! This was the Industry for me!

Then everything changed... I got into the government, working in an office... 7:30 to 3:30,Monday to Friday. Holidays, sick days, benefits, pension... "Cash for Life" I call it! But after 2 years there (and 3 promotions later) I've realised that it's NOT for me... I can't do it... Especially not for another 33 YEARS!!! I have more years left of service then I've been on this earth! Crazy when you think about it that way!

So now I'm looking into doing what I should have done 8 years ago... I'm looking into attending one of Ottawa's finest Beauty schools to finally do what I've always wanted. Be a stylist, with the long term goal of opening and running my own salon... that's of course assuming that everything goes as planned... That I can get the loans needed and I need to dedicate myself to 2 evenings and Saturdays every week for the next 18 months...

But this is what I dream of! What I want! So... here goes just another adventure! Anyone want to be my guinea pigs while I study??? :)